Looming Days

Okay, so the end is in sight. At least for this semester! I have a few things lined up, which are very exciting for me.

One of these is my trip to Ireland this summer, it's only for a week but I cannot wait! I'll be in the Emerald Isle for my birthday, 22nd to be exact. =) But, that is a whole "experience" according to University. They have decided that I still have to take a class about this trip, read books and write papers...OH and keep a journal. I love how traveling for college credit is really a big pain in the ass. But I'll get it done.

Anyhow, I am not particularly looking forward to the Holidays. My mom is very morose about them, and that's the only word I can even think to describe her feelings. Holidays are not happening this year for the Holmes crew. On top of previous events, my poor mother has been thrust into my father's former work positions since she is in-charge of everything. Regardless of what she says she will be getting Christmas presents and she will like them. That's that. I will be spending holidays with friends and Shon and his family. Which will be nice, but at the same time it won't be anywhere near the same as it always was. Days--they change, so do entire lives. So, here's to that...or something.

Counting down till the end of the semester, which cannot come soon enough. Only to start again in January...I can't wait for this whole school thing to be over--that is as long as I have a J-O-B when I'm done :) That's the tricky part these days!

Anyhow, enjoy Thanksgiving. I'll be out BLACK FRIDAY :) Expect some interesting stories from that experience. I am now addicted to fatwallet.com so you should probably check that out befor eyou go shopping too!

Best.

A new world

Okay, so I totally suck at blogging, but this is a chance to start over again...

Or MAYBE just start actually blogging daily-ish I don't want to bore you all with that much of my thinking...

So in the past few months my life has changed completely but stayed exactly the same. Trust me, I'm still wheeling from it. New job, new people in my life and some who have left me a little too soon. It's hard to digest it all, but I can only try a little bit each day. Maybe that's why my stomach has hurt so bad these past few months--not too much food or sensitivity, but too much change. Never thought I'd say that.

Instead of being cryptic maybe I should just spell this all out for you:

This past month has been an absolute whirlwind. I quit my job at a bar that I've been at for four+ years to start at a different restaurant/bar full time. I am already moving up the ranks there; it's just such a change to actually have the trust, responsibility and PAY that I've deserved for so long. I love it, but at the same time I'm not completely secure there. You know? I am still the newby who could be thrown off from the top...a little nerve-racking at times but I'll make it. One way or another.

School is an honest mess. If there is one rule of advice I can give anyone it is to NEVER transfer. You will regret it every day; especially during times near graduation (i.e. when you SHOULD be graduating) and every time enrollment for a new semester rolls around (not only are you still enrolling in school, BUT you have to jump through flaming hoops to take the classes you need to someday graduate). But I will be traveling to Ireland soon, so you can look forward to blogs about that since I have to keep a journal and write a bunch of papers. Thank you, University. Ruling my life and ruining any sort of "fun" vacation i might have. :)

The biggest thing making my head swim is the loss of my father. I still don't think it happened, not that I have conspiracy theories about my dad still being alive like Elvis, that's totally not the truth, but it still isn't reality. Maybe it's because I don't want it to be and maybe it's just too soon for me to be moved on completely. I know I never will be, but it still doesn't make sense. It makes my heart hurt, there's a little piece missing. I know we weren't close, but it still aches. Something is not complete and I just want to fill the void which is impossible. Searching for anyone, anything but knowing nothing can fix it but time. Fuck time, I'm an American I want it fixed and gone now. Thank you society for making me feel that way.

All I know is, one day at a time...But how is that possible when they all fly together?

Poetry

Being in a sappy girly mood, and being a terrible blogger (i.e. NOT POSTING) shame on me. I have found these two poems, which yes I will admit I was watching In Her Shoes and remembered how much I really enjoyed these poems.
1. One Art by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel.
None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

2. i carry your heart with me By E E Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

___

They are truly beautiful, huh?

Today is a beautiful day. Sunny, 90 not a cloud in the sky. Running was amazing and really cleared my head. Hope all is well out there for everyone, I promise I will begin to actually update this thing!

Props to Eric Holder!

Eric Holder, the new Attorney General, has gained much respect already with me. I was on CNN.com today and saw that his address about racial matters was on the front page. As a sociology/Media nerd I felt it my part to watch, it is awesome that he isn't holding back about how he feel about race relations within our states. He points out that America now really isn't that much different then what it was years ago. Only 5 years ago did we celebrate the 50th anniversary of Brown v. Topeka Board of Eduation, but have yet really changed much. Living in Topeka I can attest that there is very little change in race relations. We mostly live in a segregated country still, by choice, but there are parts of town that a white girl would never go and vice versa. If they do go to these parts they get a look, they get the whispers.

Holder discussed how no one sits and talks about these issues openly. Without addressing the issues we can't fix them. They will not dissolve themselves without an open conversation. Being a sociology minor, we still sometimes don't feel we can openly speak about race in the classroom. If we can't be safe and confident in the classroom how can we expect to be comfortable in society? We need to take steps to fix the problem, but mostly we need to acknowledge it.

Props to Holder for being brave enough to talk about racial issues. To not hold his tounge, but wake Americans up to the fact that we need to talk about these issues before they go away!