Looming Days

Okay, so the end is in sight. At least for this semester! I have a few things lined up, which are very exciting for me.

One of these is my trip to Ireland this summer, it's only for a week but I cannot wait! I'll be in the Emerald Isle for my birthday, 22nd to be exact. =) But, that is a whole "experience" according to University. They have decided that I still have to take a class about this trip, read books and write papers...OH and keep a journal. I love how traveling for college credit is really a big pain in the ass. But I'll get it done.

Anyhow, I am not particularly looking forward to the Holidays. My mom is very morose about them, and that's the only word I can even think to describe her feelings. Holidays are not happening this year for the Holmes crew. On top of previous events, my poor mother has been thrust into my father's former work positions since she is in-charge of everything. Regardless of what she says she will be getting Christmas presents and she will like them. That's that. I will be spending holidays with friends and Shon and his family. Which will be nice, but at the same time it won't be anywhere near the same as it always was. Days--they change, so do entire lives. So, here's to that...or something.

Counting down till the end of the semester, which cannot come soon enough. Only to start again in January...I can't wait for this whole school thing to be over--that is as long as I have a J-O-B when I'm done :) That's the tricky part these days!

Anyhow, enjoy Thanksgiving. I'll be out BLACK FRIDAY :) Expect some interesting stories from that experience. I am now addicted to fatwallet.com so you should probably check that out befor eyou go shopping too!

Best.

A new world

Okay, so I totally suck at blogging, but this is a chance to start over again...

Or MAYBE just start actually blogging daily-ish I don't want to bore you all with that much of my thinking...

So in the past few months my life has changed completely but stayed exactly the same. Trust me, I'm still wheeling from it. New job, new people in my life and some who have left me a little too soon. It's hard to digest it all, but I can only try a little bit each day. Maybe that's why my stomach has hurt so bad these past few months--not too much food or sensitivity, but too much change. Never thought I'd say that.

Instead of being cryptic maybe I should just spell this all out for you:

This past month has been an absolute whirlwind. I quit my job at a bar that I've been at for four+ years to start at a different restaurant/bar full time. I am already moving up the ranks there; it's just such a change to actually have the trust, responsibility and PAY that I've deserved for so long. I love it, but at the same time I'm not completely secure there. You know? I am still the newby who could be thrown off from the top...a little nerve-racking at times but I'll make it. One way or another.

School is an honest mess. If there is one rule of advice I can give anyone it is to NEVER transfer. You will regret it every day; especially during times near graduation (i.e. when you SHOULD be graduating) and every time enrollment for a new semester rolls around (not only are you still enrolling in school, BUT you have to jump through flaming hoops to take the classes you need to someday graduate). But I will be traveling to Ireland soon, so you can look forward to blogs about that since I have to keep a journal and write a bunch of papers. Thank you, University. Ruling my life and ruining any sort of "fun" vacation i might have. :)

The biggest thing making my head swim is the loss of my father. I still don't think it happened, not that I have conspiracy theories about my dad still being alive like Elvis, that's totally not the truth, but it still isn't reality. Maybe it's because I don't want it to be and maybe it's just too soon for me to be moved on completely. I know I never will be, but it still doesn't make sense. It makes my heart hurt, there's a little piece missing. I know we weren't close, but it still aches. Something is not complete and I just want to fill the void which is impossible. Searching for anyone, anything but knowing nothing can fix it but time. Fuck time, I'm an American I want it fixed and gone now. Thank you society for making me feel that way.

All I know is, one day at a time...But how is that possible when they all fly together?